Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
