i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How does one acquire holy water?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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