i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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