I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
