from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
