Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
