i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
