So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
