sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i drank out of a bidet.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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