she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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