is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
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