What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
