Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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