I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm at about main and main street
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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