The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
