now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Boobs are out for the taking
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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