Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize