and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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