I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
