Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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