so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize