I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
