Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
