hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
