I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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