Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
