I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
People in love make me want to vomit
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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