I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
