I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
