In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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