tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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