Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
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