I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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