JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
