Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
