puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
