the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize