So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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