I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
