I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
