I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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