His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
