??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
