The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
