how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
