your parents love me but you hate me
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
