So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
