I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
