see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You can't special order awesome
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
