guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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