im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
