Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
