Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize