I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
