I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
