My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
