She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
