Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
