like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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