your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
