Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
