Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
