last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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