we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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