Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i drank out of a bidet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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