I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
