I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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