My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We had to coat check the pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
