I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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