we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize