apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
